Shay is coming along great and is able to get around well now. She still is not eating much, though. My normal chow-hound has barely eaten since Friday. We’ve had to coax her with hand-feeding. Everything I’ve tried–usually her favorites–she shows no interest in at all. As I write this, she did end up eating half a bowl of her kibble with some special favorites mixed in, so things are looking up. Her spirits seem to be coming back and she has been coming upstairs with me and going outside. She is taking excellent care of the pups.
The two darling female pups are doing well–gaining weight and doing great. The vet visited today and the dew claws were removed. Yes, there was another pup that was delivered alive via the c-section–a male–that passed today. It’s been a very emotional and heart-breaking few days. At times like these, I seriously wonder why I do this at all! I love the joy of it, but the occasional downs are enough to make me seriously consider running the other direction. I won’t, though. I made a commitment long ago and am in this for the long haul.
There is this side of me that has the absolute need to have everything explained with scientific proof–combing over every detail and variable wanting answers so “problems” never happen again. I wrangle over the what-ifs and look over records and details and consult the experts. And then, that other side of me–the spiritual, faith in the unexplained, the belief in God–eventually gives in and I realize that sometimes everything can’t be explained and I can’t always win the fight to save everything or make everything better. I have to research and learn all that I possibly can and do my best, let the rest up to the experts, move on, and with tremendous humility and gratefulness be thankful for what is good and positive. I can’t be a quitter.
The good of this is that Shay is perfectly okay. She was never in distress and was absolutely amazing. The surgeon did not spay her during the c-section and said her reproductive organs are in excellent condition and she just couldn’t justify spaying her. She saw absolutely nothing wrong and considers her a viable, young bitch. The other wonderful thing is that there are two absolutely beautiful and healthy pups.
Yes, there are a few things I would do differently if this situation would ever present itself again–like absolutely trusting my gut and making 100 calls, instead of just 3, if that’s what it takes to find someone that will hear me. Rather it would have made a difference in the outcome, we’ll never know. I think it would have, but I need to let it go. I can wrestle and research and study and wonder till the cows come home, but I will never know. I will accept the gracious blessings of Shay’s health and these two amazing puppies God has given me and move on.
It is also in times like this that I don’t feel much like sharing my life publicly! Sometimes I wonder if it were best if I did things differently–not putting everything out-there and up to the minute in sharing news on the social networks, etc. Would it be better I just announce things days or weeks later and only share the best news and never the down and heartbreaking side of this? I want to only be upbeat and positive and share joy and good news! But, that in itself is a ridiculous ideal! And, we all know I am not in this to win any popularity contests. If I was, I wouldn’t care who got our pups or that they go only to hunting families. This is about the breed. And, life—and especially in breeding—is not all roses. If you are a dog breeder intent on bettering and maintaining the breed, you have to do a lot of breeding. Some obstacles are inevitable. It’s how we handle and process the negatives that matter most. We can dwell, sulk, try to place blame, and become bitter or we can examine, learn, mourn, and move on gracefully. I choose the latter. And, I choose the dogs. I choose life with the Llewellin Setter and to continue to keep it a world-class upland hunting dog.
So, there are two amazing little additions to the Llewellin Setter world tonight and I just realized I have forgotten all about names and themes and all such things. But, I will get back on track now that Shay is recovering and that the pups are doing well.
Hug your Llewellin Setter tonight.